Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
