Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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