I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
