I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
