what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
