Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
