Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
