Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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