she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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