My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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