Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
