You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
