i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
