The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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