I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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