trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have aggressive nipples.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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