I cannot find my penis.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He is an equal opportunity slut.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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