I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
