Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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