i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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