Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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