I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
