A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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