I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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