I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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