so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
