When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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