I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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