I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
