I wish you could order shots online.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
