How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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