I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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