The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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