I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize