i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
