you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize