is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i drank out of a bidet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
