hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
