I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
