I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
