That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize