found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
