i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
