I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
