i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
