Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
