I accidentally burped into my bong.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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