I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
