i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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