I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
