i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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