Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
