Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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