it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
