You really coming over, don't trick.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize