I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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