Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
