Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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