your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
