Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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