True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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