I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize