I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
