OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
