You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
