xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize