Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
