no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
