Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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