I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
