I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
