Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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